Those at Notre Dame and any other place where you find crazy squirrels would appreciate the opinion piece in this week's edition of The Onion: "I Have To Admit: I Love The Nuts," written by Danny the Squirrel.
An excerpt (courtesy of The Onion):
"I'm not a strong-willed squirrel. If you take a can of nuts and dump them in your backyard, you'd better believe I'm gonna eat those nuts. I won't be polite about it, either. I won't share them with the chipmunks or the birds. No, I will behave like a fool to secure those nuts. I'll shove as many nuts in my mouth as I can fit, and chew as fast as possible to make room for more nuts. "