Strange scholarship criteria

23 February 2008
2:02 PM

As part of my grad school application saga I have been investigating scholarships that I could apply for. After I determined that I was no longer eligible for the Duct Tape Prom Dress scholarship my Google search landed me at FastWeb.

One of the scholarship eligibility forms I had to fill out was a bizarre “Personal Attributes” checklist. Here is a selection of the more interesting boxes on the 43-item list. I assume there is some scholarship, somewhere that corresponds with each item. Check all that apply to you.

  • Adopted
  • Against the Death Penalty
  • Bilingual
  • Birth mother who has placed a child for adoption
  • Bisexual
  • Cancer, Siblings Diagnosed With
  • Clinically Overweight
  • Farm, Raised On
  • Feminist
  • From Small Town <25,000 Population
  • Gay / Lesbian
  • Height: Women, 5’10” or above; Men 6’2” or above
  • Last Name Van Valkenburg
  • Mobile Home Park Resident
  • Orphan (Parentless)
  • Parent of Multiples (Twins, Triplets, etc.)
  • Parent, Student With Dependent Child(ren)
  • Refugee
  • September 11, Affected By Tragedy
  • Student, One of Multiples (Twins, Triplets, etc.)
  • Transgender
  • Transplant Recipient
  • Undocumented Immigrant
  • Vegetarian

I’m sure I’ll be able to pay for school through a combination of loans and fellowships, but I can’t shake the feelings that I’d be in a better place if I were a 6’4” transgendered feminist vegetarian triplet from a mobile home park in a small town farming community who was affected by September 11. Well, a better place in financial aid terms at least.

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